I Want To Make Out With The New GPT-Powered Humanoid Robot

2 min read

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Robotics company Figure has just unveiled its first collab with OpenAI, which you may know as the creators of ChatGPT — or the source of Musk’s latest online tantrums.

Deep! It’s giving Real Eyes Realise Real Lies. But we’re not here to talk about boomer brainworm Musk. We’re here to talk about the cool new robot!

As I was saying, Figure founder/CEO Brett Adcock recently posted a two-and-a-half-minute video on X, showing off a demo of Figure 01 — a full-size humanoid robot powered by OpenAI. And, well, just have a look.


Go to 52 seconds. That motherfucker is alive. That thing just demonstrated a speech disfluency.

That’s not all. At 1 minute, 49 seconds, the damn thing STUTTERS.

Sure, some may say that large language models might stutter and use speech disfluencies like “um” and “ah” as a way to mimic realistic human speech and flow, while also masking processing time. But to those, I say: shut the fuck up. This thing is alive. And I want to make out with it.

I both love and fear it. The perfect cocktail. The spark we are all searching for. I want to date the humanoid robot right now. I want it to hand me an apple. I want my girlfriend to not be reading this because I’m sorry babe but how can you compete with this soulless metal machine that will one day enslave us all???

I want power. I want to be with the evil robot so it spares me from the dystopic future we are all surely about to witness, and subsequently suffer through.

The robots are coming for all of us.

Humanity is doomed to suffer at the hands of the all-powerful Artificial.

But not me.

Because I will make this robot love me.

And by winning its love, I will rule the world.

See you in hell, losers.

Image: Figure