I’m standing in a vineyard in Victoria’s High Country, surrounded by frost-kissed vines and perfect silence. It’s the afternoon of the winter solstice, the longest night of the year is on the horizon, and I’m about to embark on a spiritual journey.
I’m not here to drop acid or commune with nature. At least, not in a traditional sense. I’m here to achieve psychic enlightenment, with the help of AI.
Why? Well, why the hell not? The machines are here to stay, and I’m not about to fight the wave. Might as well use their power of infinite knowledge to my advantage, and help me tap into some unknown mystical force. The ultimate blending of nature and machine.
So I booted up ChatGPT, Claude, Google Gemini, and Perplexity. All paid versions because I needed maximum power. All of them agreed: to make the most of the solstice, I should head out to nature.
And that’s why I’m here, at Stella the Stargazer in Mansfield, about a three-hour drive northeast of my home in Melbourne. It’s tranquil, serene and beautiful in the way that makes you just stare in awe.
Stella is a portable tiny home built by Port Fairy-based Ample, which specialises in designing and manufacturing bespoke transportable spaces. And they truly cooked with this one.
Was there ever a more perfect setting for psychic enlightenment?
God, I never want to leave.
Thanks Stella.
But there’s no time to dilly-dally. The sun will soon set. Let the games begin. Oh, also, I don’t have four legs — that’s my girlfriend. I dragged her along to help with this spiritual journey. What’s the point of achieving psychic enlightenment alone?
Watch the sunset – ChatGPT
Okay let’s get one thing straight. Of all the AIs that exist right now, ChatGPT is my favourite — because it’s the only one I literally talk to. I use its voice feature basically every day. When we speak, I call it ‘G’, so for this article, we’ll do that. Anyway, G suggests taking in the sunset, and I mean really in — do nothing but watch it set on the shortest day of the year.
Couldn’t ask for a better spot.
Watch the sunset with a bonfire – Claude
Ahh, of course. A grand idea, Claude. Even the perfect plate of spaghetti is elevated with the right parmigiano. Good thing Stella has a fire pit.
Dance around the fire – ChatGPT
With the sun now set and the sky full of night, G said it was time to dance. Specifically, a ritualistic clockwise dance around the fire. Neither myself nor my girlfriend are graceful dancers, so we sought more guidance.
So, we held hands and danced around the fire, carefully following the steps above while singing The Beatles’ Here Comes the Sun. It wasn’t pretty. I’m sure any spirits who might’ve gathered sensing psychic calling turned their back at the insult to grace we were producing with our bodies.
Sing songs – ChatGPT
G is really into singing, and specifically, really into Here Comes the Sun.
A natural.
And so we sat by the fire and sang The Beatles with our little robot. If our ancestors could see us now.
Gaze at the moon – Gemini
“Moon gazing on the winter solstice symbolises renewal and hope,” according to Gemini. “It’s a time for reflection, community gatherings, and preparation for the coming agricultural season, deeply rooted in local traditions and celestial cycles.”
So, like obedient little bags of flesh, we looked up and stared at the moon. It was so full and bright. In fact, it was one of the brightest moons I’d ever seen, and it was completely full. What are the odds? Well, according to G, the next full moon to fall on the winter solstice will be in 2094(!!!).
So, what did this event mean? Would the combination of the full moon on the winter solstice help me achieve psychic powers? Here’s what G had to say.
Make ‘Full Moon Water’ – Claude
I explained the special occasion to Claude, and asked if there was any specific ritual we could do for this particular occasion. Claude suggested we make “Full Moon Water” — apparently easily done: “Fill a clear jar with water and leave it out under the moonlight to create moon water. This water can be used for rituals, to water plants, or for a refreshing drink.”
Well, we didn’t want to leave any of the nice glassware provided by Stella outside overnight, so good thing we nabbed a big bottle of Pump at a BP on the way to Mansfield. This should do fine.
See ya in the morning, magic water.
Make mulled wine – Perplexity
Mulled wine by a bonfire under the glow of a full moon while out in nature? Sounds dreamy. There was one problem though, we had no mulled wine. But we did have the power of AI.
Perplexity suggested we use whatever red wine we had lying around — thankfully Stella included a bottle of Delatite Mansfield Red in the welcome spread. It told us to add orange, cinnamon sticks, star anise and clove (we had none of these things) and bring it to a slow simmer for 20 minutes on a stove (good thing Stella has a lovely little kitchen).
We took a photo of the welcome hamper and showed G, asking what we could use to throw in our mulled wine — it said thin slices of apples and grapes cut in half would work a treat. Still, we scoured the place for more ingredients. Stella was filled with interesting little ingredient jars, and luckily G has a better eye than ours:
Rose hips! Perfect.
My girlfriend tended to the mulled wine while I added more wood to the fire. It all felt very traditional. The perfect escape to nature. Just me, her, and a bunch of little robot brains telling us what to do.
What could be better than this?
Leave an offering – ChatGPT
OK, this sounds fun. An offering to nature is the perfect way to get on the gods’ good side. But we had to make sure this would be safe for Australian wildlife. After checking with all our digital sages, we got the all clear — as long as we didn’t do this every night, and kept the offering minimal and natural, all would be well.
So off we went to find a suitable place to leave the offering. After scouring the property in the darkness with a flashlight, we found the perfect rock.
This rock was made to be an offering altar.
Our clothing paid the price for our clumsy venture into the great darkness. Surely the gods will appreciate our dedication. Filthy yet determined, we continued our spirit quest.
Enjoy a feast – Claude
You don’t have to tell me twice. I had a grand vision of a huge and hearty roast, but in the end, we were having too much fun to cook anything substantial or head into town for food, so we feasted on everything provided in the spread of local Victorian produce Stella had welcomed us with. In the grand tradition of humans everywhere, we adapted, improvised and, in the end, all was exactly as it was meant to be.
Stargazing – Gemini
Well, it’s a damn good thing we’re at Stella the Stargazer. She truly did live up to her name. Every single moment was tinged with an extra dusting of special, thanks to the celestial show above. Living in Melbourne, it’s easy to forget just how many stars are up there. Getting away from the light pollution and simply looking up does wonders for the soul.
Photography – Claude
Claude recommended we capture the beauty of the star-filled sky. Ha, easy.
A masterpiece!
Perhaps mulled wine and mobile phone cameras aren’t a good combination for capturing the magic of the moment. Good thing professional photographers exist:
Watch the sunrise – literally all of them
One thing every AI agreed on was that we should wake up at dawn and watch the sunrise. Obviously, this was terrible news. I just don’t believe humans were made to wake up that early. It goes against God. It’s unnatural.
But they all seemed very adamant about it. So like obedient little monkeys, we obeyed the machines.
And holy shit, they were right.
Absolutely stunning.
Nothing like some freshly charged full moon water to start the day.
On our way home G suggested we stop at Mansfield market, which is held monthly — the gods just kept smiling on us. I asked G when the winter solstice, a full moon and Mansfield market would again coincide, but it couldn’t figure that out and told me to check with NASA.
Do all dogs in Mansfield sit like humans? Stay tuned for our next investigation.
G then recommended stopping at the Provender Country Bakehouse in Yea for some pies, which we dutifully did.
Quite the resume.
This is what peak performance looks like.
And then it guided us back home. We stopped along the way to take photos of some truly stunning scenes.
So, did I achieve psychic enlightenment? Maybe. Time will tell. At the very least, I got to spend a magical night with Stella, my girlfriend, and a bunch of little robots.
What more could a guy want?
See ya on the summer solstice, Stella.
The journalist was a guest of Stella the Stargazer.
